Hermes

It's really getting to me this time. The increasing competition just makes me want to slap it in the face and say shut up, leave me alone. It's been all the small things added up together. Gradually. Slowly. Like it wants to creep up on me and surprise me. Great surprise.
The problem is that even though I feel burned out, up and down, I still have to keep on that game face or else people start to question. They think I'm depressed but I'm not. I'm frustrated, that's what. I'm at that tipping point where I just want to bake a thousand batches of cookies and fling them out of my window where they will land on the hot road and a car will run through them, crushing each and every one of them.
Give me a second here and maybe I'll let you experience how it feels to be judged; to be pounded and molded into someone I refuse to be.
Competition says, "Hi, just shut up and listen. This is your plan. Follow it."
I ignorantly reply, "Yay, okay! My life is set like a rock set in stone."
I wish I could smash the rock and the stone and punch competition in the face.
The polite and cheery :) letters that I keep receiving are disguised as messengers of rejection but I suppose they believe that I'm stupid enough to think their artificial phrases filled with plastic wishes of success would fool me. A few months ago it would have but I'm not stupid anymore because it's been a bit too much for me to have missed the point. Go on, reject me, I readily welcome you into my world because once you're in, you'll never come out. Slap me, I'll slap you back. But the sad thing is, you are indifferent. You go on and infect my soul like a virus, bursting each and every one of my cells.
Just die and shut up, please.